I'm on my Way!

I have been looking for "Equilibrium" for years now. I could never seem to put my finger on what exactly, it was that I needed. I had an idea, but it was not clear.

Until now,

I believe that I figured it out, at least a part of it. In the grand scheme of things, it's likely a very small part of "it".

I have realized that, balance has to start with me. I needed to focus on bringing my mind, body and soul together, before I could connect with everything else.

I went through a brief moment of depression while I tried to sort out my thoughts. I drifted back and forth between past, present and future. I dug deep and brought all of my "issues" to the surface, so that I could acknowledge them and understand them. Now, I have accepted them and I can move on without being bound by them.

Now, I'm not perfect. I'm not striving for perfection anymore. I continue to make mistakes in life and that's ok. I'm not claiming to over-haul my entire life, to a strict regime that is oh so perfect. I still enjoy my fatty coffees, random fast food indulgances and chocolate! Sometimes, I just don't want to work out. I love to sleep...lots!

In order to find my "Equilibrium", I had to start with my mind first. A strong mind, can get you through anything! As I said earlier, I started by facing my issues. Next, I changed my perspective (even more so than usual). I continue to practice meditation daily and I remind myself to "slow down" so that my body has a chance to keep up with my strung-out thoughts. The more I relax, the more balanced I feel.

Next, I had to make a decision. I grew up very Religiously. In fact, at times it was quite strict. I come from an extended family that is highly Religious in their views. That's ok, but it's not me. I also come from a family who has some very Spiritually minded people. This is the side of my family that I'm still exploring, my Native side. This feels right for me. I have made the choice to be Spiritual instead of Religious. Actually, they both have much of the same elements, only applied a bit differently. I prefer to see things from a different angle, and I'm always coming back to Nature for answers.

Lastly, I needed to concentrate on my body. As stated in a previous blog, I suspect that I may be a binge eater. I don't like to eat and I like to eat for comfort food all at once. I needed to figure out a way to break that chain. I did some research and came up with a few things to try.

I started by figuring out my primary dosha. Which is your Ayurveda body type. There are three types of Dosha's: Vata, Pitta and Kapha. I discovered which one I was, and researched the proper diet that needed to be applied to my dosha. I'm fairly new to this idea, but I'm starting to see and feel changes already. Next, it was only natural for me to stumble across "Raw Diets". This is not a diet or fad, it's a way of living. Raw diets incorporate foods that can be eaten raw for their full nutritional value such as: Apples, seeds, beans veggies and fruits...you get the idea.

As for exercise, I do a minimum of 30 min/day (just started in the past wk and a half). I use "Your Shape- Fitness Evolved" on the xbox kinect to do kick boxing, Tai-Chi and other kick butt activities. I go for walks, and jump on the elliptical trainer when it's too cold outside. I am starting to lose inches, but this is more to bring my body back into balance.

This has been a huge over-haul! It takes a tremendous amount of dedication. The results, are worth it. I just started making these changes, and I already feel fantastic!

I look forward to some more results and I'm finally beginning to feel at peace with myself. Everybody has their own journey, but I hope that by hearing mine, you are able to find some guidance for yours.

Peace,

Sig.

Just another Day

I head into town to get my morning coffee. It's not Starbucks, but it will do and it won't add an extra dimple on my behind....at least, not as fast.

I pull up to Tim Hortons with the car and as soon as I pick a parking space, it begins. Yeah, my brakes chirp. Chirping brakes brings the unwanted attention that I loathe. Heads swing round every time to see the culprit of the chirping brakes...which is me. For Pete's Sakes! They are new brakes, leave me alone.

I park the car and go inside to order my regular hit of joe. And it starts again with the guy in front of me. Hey, I know who that is! I'm sure we went to school together, ugh school.....please don't let me relive that. Not so much for the people I went to school with (the odd torment here and there), I'm talking about remembering the torment I put myself through.

Don't look back! Don't look......crap! My mind goes to a million places at once.... I'm almost 30, I haven't accomplished everything I want to do yet, I've gained weight since high school. Please don't judge me...Please don't judge me.

I walk up to the counter and order a Large coffee with half hot chocolate and one cream- hey, don't knock it til you try it. My confidence is on fire! I mean, it's fake...but who can tell?

And it hits me like a brick!

Why am I doing this to myself? Why do have to try to be so perfect? Why do I hate being judged so much? More importantly, why do I still allow others to have power over my emotions.

I begin to breathe.....

I become less tense...

I am me and that's all I can be. It will take time to achieve the things I want in life. And, maybe people aren't always trying to judge me. Maybe...just maybe, it's all in my own head!

And I let go....

Happy that I avoided a potentially, self-destructive episode, I get back in the car and crank the tunes.

Everything is ok. I'm beginning to accept myself.

On to the next challenge.......

Diva On a Dime- You too can be Cheap!

I Love to be cheap!

Not just because funds are a bit tighter these days. It's more for the challenge and the rewards of being tight with my money. That, and I have Scottish blood in me, on both sides! Haha....

Ok, so there are literally tons of ways to be cheap. These are just a few ideas off the top of my head.

1-
I highly recommend watching "Til Debt do us Part" if you don't already. Gail Vaz-Oxlade, is a financial genius and knows how to stretch a buck! It was her "Jar Method" that I have implemented into my own household. This method uses Mason Jars to budget a weeks/months worth of physical cash to groceries, car payments, entertainment etc. This way you can track where you spend your cash. Using debit/credit cards can be a bit convenient, sometimes we lose sight of what we are spending.

2-
Pay for everything in cash! This way, you won't have to make monthly payments on an item. Places that offer you a product at a low monthly cost, usually end up getting up to 3X's the products worth, as opposed to paying for the product all at once. Don't be tempted to purchase an item because the monthly payments are low and you want it on the spot. Take your time, save the money (a bit each month) and pay for the product in cash. Trust me, short term loss, long-term gain...for your pocket!

3-
Purchase items out of season. I always wanted a little, electric fireplace. Just something for heat and comfort. Winter came around and it was tempting to purchase one as they were being advertised in the stores. Instead, I waited until March when the Winter season started to slow down. The cost of the fireplace went from $500.00 to $150.00! All I had to do was wait.

4-
Back yourself up. You never know when something may happen to affect your finances. Perhaps you have to move, or you lose your job. In this case, back yourself up and don't get into a cell phone contract! If you needed to scale back on your cell phone, or move out of the companies range of service, you'll be stuck with a contract or a hefty termination fee. The solution is, save your money and purchase a phone outright. Cancellation fees range from 400-700$ depending on the carrier. This applies especially to phones that are being offered for 0$ and are worth approx. 100$ if purchased outright. If you were bound by contract, you could spend up to 400$ in fees to cancel out early. More than the phone is worth.

5-
Only use credit cards for emergencies or a paper trail. This applies to the above suggestion: paying for everything possible in cash. It's easier to track your money and you won't have high interest rates to pay monthly. Now, I'm not saying "Don't use you credit card!" by all means, you should use your card here and there to build on your credit. That way, if you ever needed to get a loan, you have built up a good credit rapport and would be less of a risk.

6-
Buy Second Hand. For example, if you're in need of new furniture, check out the local flea markets, yard sales or even Kijiji for local ads. Make sure the item is in good shape before purchasing. One of my favorite things to do, is to buy a cheap piece of furniture and customize it to suit me. Sand it down, add some fresh paint and purchase some new hardware, it will look just like new!

7-
If you are Canadian, shop in the USA! Not everything is cheaper in the States, but many things are! Our friends across the border are super nice and welcome Canadians looking to save a buck...or two. Times are tough, we need to do what's necessary for survival, even if that means not buying locally. 2 Loaves of bread in the US costs approx 1.60$ (Price Choppers), one loaf of bread in Ontario (Local Grocery Store) can cost up to 3.00$! If you can't make it across the border, shop at Giant Tiger or Walmart for groceries! The prices are often lower than local grocery stores.

8-
Always search out the best deal, before purchasing a big item. Nothing worse than buying an item and realizing that it would have been cheaper to purchase elsewhere. Check out fliers for deals or go online to compare prices.

9-
Eat at home. Every once and a while it's nice to get out of the house for a meal, that you didn't have to cook. Doing it too often, can be very costly. If you like a certain dish that a restaurant makes, look online for a recipe that matches. For example, I love going to Starbucks! A Venti, Pumpkin Spice Latte can cost up to 6.00$ for one cup! So, I looked up the recipe myself and now I can enjoy it from home! Check out http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/pumpkin-spice-latte/detail.aspx I add Real Whip cream on top with a pinch of salt, sugar and pumkin spice- Trust me!

10-
Look for items on sale. There's nothing wrong with purchasing No Name brands every so often, unless you don't like them. People get stuck in the idea, that brand name products offer the best quality products. That's not always the case. Try a few no name things here and there, you may find that you'll prefer some No Name products over Branded products and they are often cheaper.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to stretch your hard-earned cash. It doesn't mean that you are poor, it means that you are smart with your money! All of this advice comes from experience. At one time in my life, I was young and stupid with my own money. Don't be ashamed to be cheap, embrace it!

Good Luck,

Live Cheap and Prosper!

Sig.

Growing Up

How the Heck are you?! I'm doing GREAT! Just Peachy! Are you buying this? I know I'm not.

Truth is, I've been a bit lost. Trying to figure out my niche in life. I don't just want to survive life, I want to live it! And, I've been doing a bit of pouting, ok a TON of pouting about my past. Gosh, I could dwell on my past for the rest of my life, but that wouldn't be living.

So here I am, trying to figure out what comes next.

I have always been goal oriented. I think BIG and Dream BIG! The problem is, if things don't work out when and how I want them to, I FREAK OUT! Why do I freak out?! Geez, I put so much energy into the idea and follow through of the goal, and when it doesn't happen, it's such a let down. Poor Me......

So, what do I do about it?

Well, I can stop complaining for starters. The thing is, my goals do come true, just not on my watch. They ultimately happen but in their own time. By some strange force, something is trying to teach me to stop being so Arrogant. And, I'm starting to listen.

I'm trying to learn to become more Humble. I'm not sure why, I just feel like it's something that is necessary for my development, for my evolution. So I did a bit of research....

It turns out Shin Buddhism, or the teachings of Shinran, teaches the practice of Humilty for further development. Now, I'm not an expert in Buddhism, but certain aspects of it just make sense to me. In fact, I like to take a bit of knowledge from all beliefs either Spritually or Religiously. We can all learn from each other!

Shin Buddhism teaches two stages of development:

1-The growing stage
2-The maturing stage

In a nutshell, the Growing Stage, is literally just growing up. In this stage, we are usually arrogant and don't acccept or acknowledge our boundaries.

In the Maturing Stage, we can admit our arrogance and recognize our bounderies so that we can develop into better beings. It also teaches us that act of humility. A good person learns to become a humble person.

I remember, just a few months ago, a facebook post that I made: "I literally don't know what I'm capable of, I don't know my limits or boundaries"....Or, something to that extent. In that moment, I was arrogant. I truly felt like I had no boundaries. That I could achieve anything! This is not entirelly true, I do have boundaries.

Firstly, I'm not Superwoman! I can't do everything by myself, I will crash and burn. Next, I CAN achieve whatever I put my mind to with one exception...I have to put my entire energy into the task. I can't divide it to other tasks at the same time. I can multi-task, I can't multi-achieve. In other words, regular tasks aren't an issue. Working towards BIG ideas, takes a bit of energy. I can only work towards one big thing at a time. Also, I'm a bit impatient.

Now that I know and acknowledge my boundaries, I can continue to grow. It doesn't mean that things will ever become "perfect", it just means that I'm ready for the next stage of my life.

I don't have all the answers, I only have my own answers. To figure out what you need in life, you need to look inwards. Listen to your heart, and your dreams!

Keep Growing!

<3 Sig.

I Used to be sad: Part Deux

I left off with OCD. Before I go any further, a few things to mention. I recently spoke with a person close to me, who suffers from Severe OCD. In her case, it is a chemical inbalance and needs to be treated. I would imagine the same thing goes for depression. Always seek help. To a certain point, it is mind over matter. However, some of us are chemically imbalanced and that needs to be addressed. You may need the extra medical help, and that's ok.

In my case.....

It was temporary as well. About a year of suffering from compulsive, paranoid behavior. I believe that it was induced by severe trauma and stress. It's as if my mind broke one day and allowed the OCD to seep through. Once I started to get control of my mind, body and soul, these behaviours disapeared as fast as they appeared.

I'm not a psychiatrist and I didn't recieve help for my issues. It was a journey of self discovery and self diagnosis. I don't expect everyone to be able to handle their problems the same way that I did.

I read a lot, and I faced my demons on my own. If you aren't strong enough to do this, please seek help!

Over the years, I have experienced brief glimpses of many serious disorders. I have always, somehow gained control. I'm too stubborn to get off of my destined path in life.

However, I'm not perfect. Hell, it would be rediculous to claim that I'm completely healed from my past, when I'm not.

I likely have an eating disorder....Binge eating.

I have a difficult time balancing a normal diet because of my impulse to gorge at times. At other times, I will eat very little and it becomes a continuous circle of Eat>Don't Eat>Gorge>Don't Eat>Eat.

But hey, who doesn't have issues?! You just have to keep moving forward, keep fighting. Seek help when needed. Talk about it! Don't be ashamed of who you are, be proud instead.

I'm always here if anyone needs someone to talk to...

I wish you all well,

Cheers

Sig.

Pst! Can You Keep a Secret?! I Used to be Sad

Part Un:

And by sad, I mean seriously depressed. Yes, I'm about to let you have a small glimpse of my past. I'm doing this because, I believe that my screw-ups will someday be someone else's success story.

Now, where to start.....

"Stuff" happened in my past that contributed to my growing depression. I'm not going to break it down. It's personal and I don't believe in pointing fingers. That being said....

I believe that I was 15 ish when I started to become severely depressed. I didn't care about how I looked and I certainly didn't care to attract young boys.

At this age (15-16 ish), I needed to find an outlet for my anger. I had a thing for Freud and recognized that I had a problem, I just didn't know how to fix it. I didn't have help, and I'm not sure that people realized the torment that I was putting myself through.

I began to write- I wrote about the dark, angry things that swallowed up my thoughts. Every day, I dedicated a new thought to a small journal I kept. It was an innocent looking journal, with two small horses on its front cover. I locked up my depression in the pages of that journal.

After a while, the journal fixation became stale, I needed a new outlet. I was even angrier now. Writing angry thoughts on a piece of paper and ripping it into tiny shreds, just wasn't cutting it anymore.

Cutting....


And so I did. For a brief moment in my life, I started to experiment with cutting myself. Thankfully, I stopped before I got brave enough to go deeper and cause some serious scarring.

Let me explain to you, how cutting myself made me feel....

It was both sick and satisfying all at once. It put me into a haze, or trance like world. It allowed me to escape from my reality.

I had control! I got to pick the sacred spot on my arm, that would be sacrificed to the knife. I felt like a useless being who needed to be punished.

When I drew blood, I felt triumphant. It was thrilling to see the blood trickling down my arms. I felt powerful, because I controlled this hurt on my body, NOBODY ELSE!

Control....

It took me about 6mths of on and off cutting to realize that this was very wrong. It became less enjoyable, and I was tired of covering up my arms with long t-shirts. And then one day, it Hit me!
I was looking for control, over myself.

The issue all along, was that I felt completely and utterly out of control of my life, body and decisions. That is why I cut myself.

I was lucky enough to figure that out on my own. I started to recognize my depression and I chose to face it.

Some of us aren't that lucky. Take it from somebody who's been there, trapped in a whirlwind of self destruction. I know how you're feeling. I know the hurt, dissapointment and anger that consumes you.

You CAN get through anything in life! ANYTHING! Nobody can tell you to do it, you have to want it for yourself. I'm just telling you that it's possible...your choice.

Was I completely healed from my own self destruction, after stumbling on to its cause?

NO!

Next came the tormenting habits of flicking the light switch on, and off, and on, and off. Followed by the obsessive washing, and re-washing, and re-washing of my newly cracked and chapped hands.

OCD.....

Show Some Love - Say Something Back When I Comment!

One of my biggest pet peeves as far as Social Networking Etiquette is concerned. Now, I'm an opinionated lady and I like to give my opinion. No worries, I'm kind and I respect the feelings of others. Also, I'm not a huge fan of Trolls.

That being said, if I comment on a post, status, tweet, blog or anything else, have the common curtesy to respond back. It could be a simple "thank-you", just to show that my opinion is being acknowledged. Nothing worse than giving a heart felt opinion and having nothing in response. It's so cold and I wouldn't do it to you.

Now to be fair, it doesn't happen often. Also, people get busy and blah blah. Did I mention that I'm understanding as well. Nobody is perfect, NOBODY!

This is just more of a reminder to some people in the Social Network. Some of the strangers.

Bloggers for example.....

I recently commented on 2 blogs. If you are pouring your heart out in a post for the world to see, be prepared to get some feedback somewhere along the way. Show some love and say something back to your readers. Perhaps they will read more!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not some sort of Social Networking Groupie! I don't go out and seek certain people or posts to comment on, just for a response. If I give an opinion, it's generally for a reason, even if it's just to be goofy :D I don't expect a response to a goofy comment.

Personally, I love responding back to my readers! Interactions are fantastic and can lead to Great Ideas!

So go ahead, don't be afraid to say something. I'm here and I'm Showing Some Love :)

Cheers,

Sig.

Girl Crush?! 5 Female Characters Who Can Kick Butt!

I'm not saying that I have a Girl Crush, but if I did.....

I would have to start with one of my Favorite Female Characters...

Lara Croft:

A fictional, protagonist Hot-Eh! Based on a video game character in the video game series Tomb Raider. Ok, mostly for the fact the she is played by Angelina Jolie *Schwing* in the Movie version. Something about that wild, independe

nt attitude is so captivating. I'm perfectly confident in my ability to seriously injur the opposite sex, however I very seriously doubt that I could "take one out" with the same effectiveness as Lara!

Next is......

Sarah Connor:

If you don't know who she is, STOP READING NOW! Just kidding, just kidding! She is known as the heroine in The popular Terminator Series. She has been played by both Linda Hamilton and Lena Headey from the tv series. I have to say, both were pretty awesome! However, the first time I watched the Terminator and caught a glimpse of Linda's Pipes, it forever changed the way I looked at strong, independent women! I wanted to be, and still want to be Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton)!

The Next Female character on the List is....


Alice from the Horror/Action film Resident Evil:

No other than the beautiful Milla Jovovich. Thanks to her kick-butt tactics against the Throngs of blood hungry Zombies, I now have a few moves saved up for the Post Apocalyptic Zombie Invasion....Oh, it's going to happen!!!!

And if for some reason, she's out of commission, my back-up is...

Rain Ocampo:

Also a character (who dies) from Resident Evil, played by Michelle Rodriguez. I don't care if she died in the movie! I believe that this girl has my back! Actress or not, Michelle can seriously kick some butt! She's built like a tank in a feminine sort of way. Ahhh, did that even make sense?! Nevermind, she's still on my Zombie Killing Team...I should look up her number. Better to be prepared o.O

Last but not least....

Aeon Flux:

Played by the, oh so talented Charlize Theron. Firstly, I love Black! Black clothes, black hair....and this girl rocks them all! Her amazing flexibilty and strength, remind me that curves can be multi-purposeful! She has taught me the Art of Becoming a "Skilled Assassin". Her moves paired with "The Crane Stance" burrowed from The Karate Kid, has transformed me into a deadly force to be reckoned with!

Be Very Afraid!

Or not....

Well, I think it's that time to go and perfect my Round House Kick! Ah, who am I kidding?!

Till next time...

Cheers!

Sig.