Just another Day

I head into town to get my morning coffee. It's not Starbucks, but it will do and it won't add an extra dimple on my behind....at least, not as fast.

I pull up to Tim Hortons with the car and as soon as I pick a parking space, it begins. Yeah, my brakes chirp. Chirping brakes brings the unwanted attention that I loathe. Heads swing round every time to see the culprit of the chirping brakes...which is me. For Pete's Sakes! They are new brakes, leave me alone.

I park the car and go inside to order my regular hit of joe. And it starts again with the guy in front of me. Hey, I know who that is! I'm sure we went to school together, ugh school.....please don't let me relive that. Not so much for the people I went to school with (the odd torment here and there), I'm talking about remembering the torment I put myself through.

Don't look back! Don't look......crap! My mind goes to a million places at once.... I'm almost 30, I haven't accomplished everything I want to do yet, I've gained weight since high school. Please don't judge me...Please don't judge me.

I walk up to the counter and order a Large coffee with half hot chocolate and one cream- hey, don't knock it til you try it. My confidence is on fire! I mean, it's fake...but who can tell?

And it hits me like a brick!

Why am I doing this to myself? Why do have to try to be so perfect? Why do I hate being judged so much? More importantly, why do I still allow others to have power over my emotions.

I begin to breathe.....

I become less tense...

I am me and that's all I can be. It will take time to achieve the things I want in life. And, maybe people aren't always trying to judge me. Maybe...just maybe, it's all in my own head!

And I let go....

Happy that I avoided a potentially, self-destructive episode, I get back in the car and crank the tunes.

Everything is ok. I'm beginning to accept myself.

On to the next challenge.......